Lonely

My last roommate left just hours ago and the feelings of longing are already setting in. I want a warm body to share my thoughts, feelings, and space. I never thought that I would have these needs. I had thought that I had been able to step away from these needs and go it alone. Isn't that what a traveler does? Finds, explores, documents, and leaves?
I have a feeling that I figure the world out every six months or so. I then forget what I learned. I was an acid trip in my more adventurous day and I began to cry. I had, or so I believed, that I had figured out "God" but it had slipped away like an intangible that was not meant for me. The feelings were real, the rest, who knows. What is real anyway?
As I age, I get the feeling that I am getting smarter. I still make many of the mistakes I made as a youth but less often. My ability to reflect is becoming stronger as well. If I could only hold on to those conclusions, I may actually start getting traction.
I had a conversation with Adam a few years ago. We were driving through Mount Pearl and having a conversation about unattached sex. I expressed my general disdain for it while Adam was arguing that it was the bees knees. I couldn't figure out why I disliked it so much but I think I may have this time. The unattached kind is about two steps ahead of masturbation. Sure it's great and it gets you where you want to be, but in the end, it is hollow, a little too empty. It doesn't fill all my needs.
Anyway, my loneliness is getting to me. I need to go home and get something going before I go insane.
Happy New Year...

Two Steps Forward

Feeling a little stumbly today. I have that ache in my neck like I slept in the oddest position. I'll be able to sleep well from now on. German goodbye and French kiss for the asking; do I want it? Of course I don't know if I can have it but I think I could.
Had a meeting today with John. His thermals were peeking out from his thrift shop sweater. Dripping honey between weird little belches, he convinced us that his dream would make us all rich. In between, he let it be known that he was losing his grip on the whole project. The various mandarins of the Shanghai Medical community smelled profits and were not about to let a two-bit transplant surgeon have it all to himself. Yet they still left him to plan it all.
His chosen consultant is a queer fellow with poor taste. Pauper shoes and old coats, he drops platitudes like cheap beers. "Thanks, mate! Don't blow the budget on the $3 worth of drinks!" I might just be a prick but I am definitely a hateful prick. Am I really to follow these fools into a business selling dreams to the desperate? I have mud on my hands and I haven't even been paid.
Why is student in a cheap suit the best dressed man in the room? Who are these people and why am I here? Bitch and moan as the cockroach scurries past. The bathroom shines as they do a little jig. Oh yes, we do need a place to stay. Any ideas of where?